|should post this before i jet
||[Aug. 16th, 2011|02:02 pm]
sorry about the posts from earlier, i'm a lot better now. Basically, some shit went down that didn't need to happen and it just sort of turned into a miasma of self loathing and i was in a pretty dark place for a bit, moreso than my usual "down" points. I tend to boast optimism as a mindset and 85% of the time i try to see the bright side of things, but sometimes things really just accumulate on me and it just snowballs
i never really grew up with a good handle on how to vent stress, i was always told to ignore it but never how to get rid of it. This sort of led to my current method of just bottling up the frustration and it spills out at all the worst moments (usually when i'm being berated or yelled at about whatever) and usually leads to me having these moments of self loathing and bad vibes
i honestly believe the solution is for me to move out. I'm basically at the point where if i wanted to up and leave, i totally could. I have a little over 3k saved up and could probably crash with a friend and get an apartment or something. Problem is, i don't have a job lined up if i do move. I've got my retail job at the moment that at 8.5 dollars an hour isn't too bad. If i move, i say goodbye to that and i'm back in the jobless zone if i move too fast
I'm pretty much not going to move out without a job in tow, but if this stress keeps building up i'm thinking i might have to make the call regardless and try to suck it up in minimum wage for a while or something. Dunno how that'll work out, and i think that might be a severe last case scenario sort of thing, but it's on my mind.